For years I prayed for the young woman who would marry my son. I asked to L-RD to make her funny, beautiful, smart, healthy, fertile and able to put her foot in a good pot roast and mustard greens!
I prayed hard! I’d stand outside his door at night – smelling the stench from his very boy room – and I’d pray for all the aforementioned traits – and pray that she knew how to use febreze because LORDT this boy could stink up a space.
I’m sorry I digress.
But I prayed for her. I really did!
And because I believe G-D is a Black woman with a wicked sense of humor who loves to throw all kinds monkey wrenches in my plans – just so I can look up at Her and say , “GIRL, you play too much” – I should have known that She was going to play an epic joke on me!!!
This 53-year old mother, activist, professor, coon-buster, Black feminist and petty professional clapbacktivist did not count on G-D sending a white girl with limp hair named Rebecca.
Becky came to Christ at band camp when she was 13. She attended the same college as Coby. She really did love Jesus because she went on THREE mission trips to – Honduras, Kenya and war torn Chiraq. She graduated and found a job teaching inner city kids how to read and write the King’s English. And I even noticed that she would go to the barbershop with him – even on Saturdays!
Godly. Kind. She was well on her way to being a great mom and housewife. I could only smile at G-D’s plan, and asked for forgiveness for my presumptions about how she might or might not season food. Still my impressive wish list for Coby’s wife paled in comparison to his own: “She love Black church and Black Jesus mom. That’s enough right?” He smiled and asked, “What do you think momma?”
It wasn’t long ago that my son could be hung from a tree for “loving” Becky. He could be killed even in the present day for openly loving and marrying Becky, so I was a bit nervous.
So to the parent like me, who never ever ever ever ever ever wanted – I mean envisioned her son in a relationship with Becky, here are a few things to remember to help get you through.
Remember your theology
All ethnicities are rooted in the same continent. Remember that the beginning of all humanity is in Africa. So in this light Becky moved from a white girl with limp hair to being Adejoke with thick coily hair.
Just remember that and you won’t even see her as white. She’ll be equal to your son – because she’ll be black.
Remember to rejoice I all things
My son needed to know that I was genuinely happy for him to marry Becky! So I told him, “Son I’m so happy you chose Becky!” And I tell Becky often, “Girl. Even though you’re white, I still love you!!”
That right there – that’s rejoicing!
Remember no Christian marriage is promised a trial-free life
When we visited the First Pentacostal Holiness 7th Day Adventist Church of G-D in Christ, many of the church mothers were looking at Coby and Becky very strange. But when Becky spoke in tongues, they were ok. And when they heard Becky pray and they saw her do a holy dance they said, “Well look at that….then cued Kendrick Lamar’s ‘We gon’ be ALRIGHT!’”
Remember to be patient with family members
Listen Aunt Sister, Uncle Bubba and Lil Boochie will be rude to Becky. They will ask about her hair and if she has cats, but don’t call them out for their racism. Pray for them. Becky will be alright.
Remember your son’s ultimate loyalty is not to you or your family, but to Black Jesus
Several people asked Coby and Becky which world will they live in – “black or white?”
This is when Becky told people that since falling in love with Coby, she no longer saw race and that everyone else needed to follow her lead. Coby was learning colorblindness too and we all know that this is how Jesus ultimately wanted things.
Remember the bride’s family
Becky’s family will also be struggling. They don’t want their daughter marrying Coby anymore than you want it. So yea. Actually don’t even worry about them. You’ll both be salty and you just need to live with it!
Remember to die to your expectations
I know you grew up saying, “if she can’t use the comb, don’t bring her home!” But let that go!!! Becky is your daughter now and even though she’s white it will MOSTLY be ok.
Parents teach your sons to choose wisely. And if they bring Becky home just remember that white girls are people too and if you pray hard enough you can love them too. Just pray!